Crying is All Right
by BlackWingedTraveler
Summary: -in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do." I was unable to tell where Sasuke Uchiha began and I ended. Did it matter? We had both lost everything. (Self Insert-into-Sasuke.)
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Crying is All Right

 **Summary: -** in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do." I was unable to tell where Sasuke Uchiha began and I ended. Did it matter? We had both lost everything. (Self Insert-into-Sasuke.)

* * *

I always liked reading Naruto fanfiction.

To be perfectly honest, a lot of the time I liked it more than reading the original. …Okay, most of the time. I mean, come on. Magic Alien Moon Ninjas? Hinata is a Moon Ninja Princess? I kind of gave up some point in Shippuden and only kept up via the wiki, after that. I couldn't pick up another volume.

But Naruto fanfiction? I loved it. Reading about Sakura getting so much more appreciation than she got in the manga, seeing Team 7 stay together, possibly some villain getting redemption… It was fun for me, and I liked doing it so much. Who wouldn't? It was cool.

Maybe I should have predicted this.

x0x0x0x

My Papa had died of a heart attack. So had his twin brother. And when I was a toddler, my Mom had always labelled me a 'Papa's girl'. I certainly recalled staring at the photo album I had of just him and I, so so much, even though he died before I even turned three.

Maybe I should have predicted _this._

It started with a chest paint, a faint dizziness that I brushed off. I always felt slightly unwell – it was a thing I experienced every single day without any real change. Even the headache didn't alarm me, nor the back pain. It wasn't until tears were nearly springing to my eyes when I tried to put away my computer and get out of my bed, a heavy, crushing weight on my chest. I gasped, fell onto the floor, let out a strangled "Mom!" and was passed out cold. It was so quick, so sudden, that I hadn't even realized what had happened before it began.

In hindsight, I should've said something sooner. Spoken up. Even read more about the symptoms of a heart attack, which I _knew_ were different with women than with men. But I hadn't, and I didn't, and it seemed I would pay the price for it as my world faded to black.

x0x0x0x

My eyes opened to whiteness. Or, rather, a white ceiling. That wasn't normal – the ceilings at school were cream-colored and the ones at the rental house were clouds. White? White wasn't a color I should wake to-

Oh. Unless I had previously had a heart attack.

I shut my aching eyes, not wanting to face the brightness of the day and the sheer lack of color in the room. My body felt so… weak, and my eyes hurt so bad. Was this normal, after a heart attack? I didn't know. Truthfully, the last time I was in the hospital I was nine years old, and my tiniest sister was being born. I had no idea how this even worked or what would happen.

Of course, I had seen various stuff like this in TV shows and movies and books, but they weren't reliable. Goodness gracious, my family knew how much I complained about that kind of thing _all the time._ So, really, I had no idea how this was going to work.

Either way, I should get up.

With a sigh, I reopened my eyes, pushing myself up with my arms and adjusting the pillows so that I could lean against them. I was underneath the covers, which was… eh. I usually got overheated pretty easily, but wasn't now, so they could stay. Breathe in, breathe out. Something felt… wrong, and I was trying to pinpoint it, exactly.

I wasn't the most self-aware with my body – my semi-chronic pain will do that to a girl – but I didn't feel… right. The usual aches were gone. No twinge in my forehead, no bad knee I had to worry about dislocating, no perpetual tired eyes that bothered me… True, my eyes ached, but they weren't tired. Automatically, I reached up to rub at them, hoping it would go away. It didn't feel like I had left my contacts in, so they didn't hurt from th-

My hand froze. Carefully, I felt around my face with that hand. No glasses. I wasn't wearing glasses, and I wasn't wearing contacts, and _I could see._ Wh- I- Wh-

A nurse walked in the door, an Asian woman, with a faint smile. "Sasuke-chan!" The rest was followed by a stream of Japanese that I couldn't understand. Bits and pieces that sounded familiar from the anime I had watched, but could I pick anything out? No. No, I couldn't pick anything out, and I stared at the dark-haired woman, dumbfounded.

She shifted – perhaps self-consciously – and my eyes fell upon the glint at her neck. That was a… a ninja headband. One of those things. From Naruto. And she called me Sasuke-chan, and was speaking Japanese, and oh god the fanfictions I had read-

Suddenly becoming aware of the _thing_ between my legs was what set me over the edge. I burst into tears.

I wasn't really sure what happened next – it was a blur of tears and oh god no – but I know she tried to comfort me. There was someone else, a shinobi, wearing the flak jacket and the headband and that made it _even worse._ Oh god I was _in Naruto._

To be honest, I think I fainted from overheating. It happens a lot. I cry, feel my body get warmer and warmer and try to stay calm and _not hot,_ but it doesn't quite succeed. It's probably a mental thing, proven by the fact that I was _in Naruto_ and still had that, but- Tangent. It didn't matter.

I cried until I fainted, and that was my introduction to the world of Naruto.

x0x0x0x

When I came to, I wasn't in the hospital. Not the hospital in Konoha, nor a hospital at home. I was lying on the wooden floor of a house, eyes closed. I kept them that way for a moment – I didn't want to see where I was – letting my fingers run over the cracks in the wood flooring. Just for a moment, I could pretend I was on my back porch at my old house. It felt like this.

"Who are you?" A young voice interrupted my thoughts, and _holy maker it was speaking English._ There were no words for my relief at the sound, and I jerked upwards, sitting up straight as my eyes flew open- only to crash foreheads with the young person kneeling over me. I clutched my head, letting out a whimper, but didn't curse – an aversion to that was honestly built into my system, and I couldn't even say the h-word.

Yes. H-E-Double Hockey sticks. That was me.

Eyes watering, I looked up once more, trying to figure out who I was seeing through the lens of my glasses. It was a child, maybe a boy – black haired and wearing all black and Asian, just like the people who had been there when I woke up. Had I been found by a cosplay convention, maybe? The thought gave me hope, but then the child looked at me, met my eyes with his guarded own.

For it was a he. When we met eyes, I- I recognized him. He looked… like Sasuke. Sasuke Uchiha. The resident jerkface of Team 7 and the precious pet of Kishimoto. No, but- Wait, that actually lent credence to my 'cosplay convention' theory.

"Sorry," I apologized weakly, feeling a bit better but overall still _confused as heck._ I cast my eyes around the dark room – it looked… like a Japanese building, like a Japanese house. (At least, judging from what I had seen in anime.) It… maybe even looked like the house of the Uchihas, from the few clips I had seen of Itachi murdering his parents here in AMVs.

I know the anime sucks, but if only I had watched at least a bit…!

Wondering if I had stumbled across the Naruto stageplay set – which, again, would make a lot of sense – I returned my eyes to the Sasuke cosplayer/actor, giving him a sheepish smile. "Sorry," I repeated, not sure what to say. "Where am I? I- Last thing I knew, I was in the hospital, sorry…"

It was a bad habit, apologizing so much, but it was a habit nonetheless. The cosplayer's eyes sharpened, watching me with a wary look that was far too obvious on his young face. "This is my house! What are you doing here!?"

I blinked. "Your… house?" But… There was a sinking feeling in my stomach. "Excuse me, but what's your name…?"

He paused, weighing his response, before giving me a clipped answer. "Uchiha Sasuke." Uchiha… Sasuke. And this looked like the Uchiha house. And there had been a man in a ninja headband and flak jacket in the Hospital.

Hastily, I shoved myself up off the ground, eyes wide and panicked – I was on the verge of tears once more, I was not ashamed to admit. "Are we- Are we in _Konoha?_ "

"Yes." He seemed alarmed by my alarm, backing up a few steps.

But- But that… This had to be a prank. Who would play a massive prank on me like this, I didn't know. The only friends I had that knew I loved Naruto were halfway across the country at the closest. And it seemed like I just had a heart attack! It made… no sense.

And I could see in the hospital earlier.

That was the one thing that made no sense to me – there was no way I could rationalize it. _I could see without my glasses._ Without them, I was legally blind. With them, my vision was still shot, objects far away still blurry. I had to almost constantly upgrade my glasses and contacts so that I could 100% see, which was expensive and not worthwhile. I upgraded when I could, and if I couldn't… well, I learned to live with it.

That's why it made _no sense._ My eyes had ached, but I could see 100% and- Oh. Oh, oh, oh. My mind seized on a logical explanation. Maybe I had had eye surgery when I was out – it didn't make a lot of sense, sure, but it would explain why they hurt and why I could see and- Yeah. It made a lot more sense than ending up in the Naruto universe.

Relieved, even though I would be having _words_ with whoever decided to pull this prank, I turned to the fake Sasuke. He was watching me with all the wariness of someone dealing with a _completely unpredictable and possibly dangerous stranger,_ and had a knife in his hand. No, no, a kunai. I almost laughed. Sure, I knew some Tae Kwon Do, but I wasn't dangerous.

I got knocked unconscious multiple times back in P.E. class.

"Sasuke, er, kun," I asked, tacking on the honorific awkwardly. It was insulting to call someone by their first name without an honorific when you didn't know them, right? Whatever. "How do you know English?"

It would normally be an incredibly insulting question – asking people of another ethnicity/race/what have you how they knew English – but I _had_ to, in this case. If Sasuke was speaking English then _clearly_ we weren't in the Naruto universe. Sasuke's reaction, though, made my heart skip a beat.

He wrinkled up his nose, confused. "English?" It was said slowly, pronounced slowly, like he had never heard the word before.

My heart sunk to my knees. "Yeah, English. You know, the language we're speaking?" Voice rising in pitch, the way it always did when I was nervous, I… I tried to remain calm.

That was dashed when the boy shook his head, looking even more wary. "We're speaking _Japanese."_

He said we were speaking Japanese. We were magically in the Uchiha house. He looked like Sasuke, and there had been a ninja at the hospital and- oh. Oh, oh, _god._ It felt appropriate to take the Lord's name in vain, even as I teared up once more. She had called me Sasuke-chan. _Me. Sasuke-chan._

I was Sasuke Uchiha.

Tears welled up in my eyes once more and I crumpled to the ground, falling to my knees and rubbing at my eyes. I couldn't help it – it was horrible. I didn't want to be Sasuke, I didn't want to have- th-that between my legs, I didn't want to be a ninja or have to save the world or _anything._

"What's wrong with you!? Who are you?"

But. But Sasuke was _still here._ I looked up, face white and eyes beseeching. He looked confused and frightened – no wonder. I was a strange young woman bawling in his home. "I…" How did I even put it diplomatically. "I'm you. Sort of." I couldn't think of anything better through my tears, not now.

The expression on Sasuke Uchiha's face was one of the best I've ever seen, though. A comical expression that belonged pre-Time Skip or in NaruSasu doujinshi. " _What!?"_ came his strangled reply, face red. "But you're-" There were so many ways he could've ended that statement, which I think he realized. "-a girl!"

I snorted, hiccupping through my tears. Who knew if that even _mattered._ I was pretty sure Sasuke was agender – but I also liked to think of Suigetsu as a trans girl. Who knew. "That's… that's why I said sort of." I hugged my knees to my chest, and with a burst of creativity, gained an idea. "I'm a genjutsu. I guess. And I can help you get strong."

That, if anything, was Sasuke Uchiha's weak point. Immediately, his mood shifted and he sat down in front of me, mimicking my pose. He was so _young._ Eight, maybe? Nine? "You can? Why are you here?" Bless him, he still sounded suspicious. What a good little shinobi.

"I was an accident." This whole thing was an accident, but yes. I took a gamble. "You know your brother?" His face twisted in raw grief and anger, and a sneaking suspicion occurred to me. Was… was he in the hospital because the Uchiha Massacre just happened? Shoving that terrible notion aside, I continued. "When he caught you in that genjutsu-" I was not going to try to pronounce the mystical techniques of one Uchiha Itachi, "-he accidentally let me slip by. _I_ was going to make _him_ stronger."

It was completely BS. An utter lie that I was really glad I had managed to figure out. Lying to my Mom occasionally about Internet activities and other responsibilities _actually helped._ Mentally, I said a word of thanks to her.

Sasuke seemed to be taking it at face value, considering. "You're a genjutsu that can make him stronger? How are you… a person?"

Good question! Very good question. Not something I had the answer to, and I shrugged. "I don't know. All I know is that I was made by the man who helped Itachi kill... everyone. I don't know who he is." Thankfully, I didn't have to answer.

But… that didn't seem to help with Sasuke's suspicion, and he watched me warily. "How do I know you're not just trying to take over my body?"

Very good question! No wonder this kid was the top of his class. "If I wanted to take over your body, wouldn't I have done so already? You're kinda… weak." Another gamble. I hoped he did something, soon, I couldn't keep up this boldfaced lying while the tears dried on my face.

I wanted to cry more, and just hoped that I was antagonizing him enough that he would do _something._ I didn't know what. I honestly didn't know what we were supposed to do. Right now, we were probably in Sasuke's head – and boy, wasn't that messed up, I didn't want to look outside – and we… probably needed to combine. Or something.

Frick, at minimum, I needed Sasuke's Japanese skills.

The boy in question's hackles went up, reacting instinctively to the insult. "Fine! I'll get stronger, then!" Hastily, he forced himself to his feet, offering me a hand. "Do whatever you need to do, genjutsu! I need to be able to kill him!"

This was the start of an extremely unhealthy obsession, and I was relieved to be here to prevent it. "Okay." It was all I could say at this point. I reached out to take his hand – to let him help me up, to hopefully admit that I had no idea what we had to do next – and that was one of the last things I did.

There was a shock of chakra – blue, terrifying chakra, something I had never even dreamed of witnessing – that surrounded our hands. For a moment, I was starkly reminded of the Unbreakable Vow from Harry Potter, before it all condensed. It stuck and burrowed into our skin and both Sasuke and I cried out because pain pain pain pain-

I woke in the hospital, as Sasuke Uchiha, with tears in my eyes and two sets of grief haunting me.

* * *

 **A/N:** _Obligatory Self-Insert fanfiction, I know. I enjoy reading these, but it... bothers me, sometimes. How they seem to cope so well, move on so easily, and if they're born into a different body, there's no real dysphoria. Thus, I'm trying a bit of a different approach to a Self Insert fanfiction. Hopefully, you'll like, yeah? The quote in the Title/Summary is from C.S. Lewis._


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Crying is All Right

 **Summary: -** in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do." I was unable to tell where Sasuke Uchiha began and I ended. Did it matter? We had both lost everything. (Self Insert-into-Sasuke.)

* * *

The moment I awoke, the nurse from before returned. I didn't cry, this time – I didn't do anything. I sat there listlessly, numb, two sets of warring memories clashing in my head as the room bustled around me.

 _Itachi had killed the clan how could he how could he – mom dad sisters dog they were gone gone gone I was never going back where was I – but he didn't want to kill the clan? Who said? Danzo said? – I'm in a fictional world and I can never go back home I can never return I can never –_

My attention wasn't called back into the current room, the current time with the nurse desperately trying to catch my attention… until he walked in. "Hokage-sama!" The nurse's voice was my alert, cutting through my jumbled thoughts and I jerked my head up, staring at the elderly man approaching me.

Sarutobi – what was his first name? I couldn't remember – was the Hokage for a reason, but right now, I couldn't see it. He was an elderly Japanese man, stooped and bowed, and had a kindly aura around him. Dressed in white robes with his white hat and- He _knew that Itachi didn't want to._

It was like a bucket of cold water being poured over my head as I stared at the man, rigid and frozen. "Sasuke-chan," he spoke up warmly, walking closer and taking a seat next to my bed. (I didn't mind the –chan – I was a girl, after all – _no I did mind the –chan I wasn't a girl I was the son of Uchiha Fugaku_ ) "Do you remember what happened?"

I almost used sarcasm – why else do you think I would wake up crying, Hokage-sama? – but I refrained. It _wasn't_ why I woke up crying, after all. Ducking my head, I curled my hands in the white white sheets, staring down at them. The memories were so… vivid. The few bodies in the streets, and Itachi – I nodded. It was as if I had been there _but I had been there._ "Yes, Hokage-sama."

He let out a heavy sigh, placing a hand on my head as it became clear my whisper was the only thing I was going to say. "I'm sorry." Unwillingly, I teared up – both sides of the tangled mess that was me were missing family right now. "He's fled the village, and we'll do our best to hunt him down."

No, you won't. That was a lie. A lie. _Look underneath the underneath._ Itachi had left the village, and Konoha would _look_ like it was tracking him down, but he would be left to roam free. I let my head dip further. "Okay." It was difficult to get my voice above a whisper – I didn't want to talk, not to him. Not to the man that was lying to me right now and when _all I wanted to do was cry._

But I should say something, so I did. "I… can I go home, Hokage-sama?" My voice cracked. I wanted to go home so bad, even if there was no one there – _but I couldn't go home, it was gone gone gone, I was stuck here forever._

His hand was gentle on my head, patting and tangling in my strands of black – _blonde_ – hair. "Are you certain? You can have an apartment, if you'd like, or stay at the hospital longer. It might be best."

I shook my head almost immediately, moving his hand with it, and finally looked up to meet his kind eyes with my teary own. It was a good thing he wasn't Dumbledore – no mind reading to be had, here. He was more comforting than I thought, even. "N-No, Hokage-sama. I want to go home…" Please. Please, please.

"Alright, Sasuke-chan." His voice stayed calming, soothing, and his eyes crinkled up in a very slight smile. "Do you want me to walk you home?"

I was kind of surprised that the _Hokage_ was willing to take time out of his presumably busy schedule for me, but who knew. I was… now the Last Uchiha, the only one left, and I probably seemed really unstable. Especially with the whole 'crying until I passed out' thing. Maybe that was why? I didn't know. It didn't really matter, to be honest.

In canon, Sasuke probably would've turned him down, if this offer was made. But me… I nodded slowly. "Yes, please." I didn't want to be alone, not just yet.

If he was surprised, he didn't show it. Instead, I received a smile and help down from the bed. "We can go slowly, alright?" With that, he held out his hand for me to take. An Uchiha would be too proud to take it – I was only half of an Uchiha, so I did. My small hand slipped into his warm, wrinkled one and we walked.

I wasn't sure how to talk, here. It felt awkward not saying anything, my social anxiety cropping up, but I didn't _want_ to talk. This whole thing was exhausting, and I was an introvert. Talking to people tired me out, even if I enjoyed it. Here? Here I wasn't enjoying it, and I just… I wanted to eat and sleep. A cookie. I liked cookies, or maybe some soup. I was able to cook, I could make something, it _didn't matter._ Thankfully, the Hokage seemed to expect this type of behavior.

It was a… maybe companionable silence, as we held hands and walked slowly down the stairs at the hospital, before heading outside. I don't know. I was never good at telling whether or not a silence was awkward or companionable, so I usually talked a lot to avoid that at all. But when I was with family, or too tired…

The thought of my family – of my Mom, my Dad, my sisters, my dog, my cats… _my mother, my father, my brother, my clan_ – was distressing, and I looked around, trying to push aside that thought. The village was so different, so strange and yet… it wasn't. It was a completely different atmosphere than I was used to – the bustling streets, the buildings all crammed together, the ninja leaping over the rooftops – and yet, I knew it. This was part of Konoha, part of home, and I had walked these streets so many times with… with my brother.

Being both Sasuke and me at the same time was awfully strange.

Still, both sides of me were observant and it didn't take a lot to realize that everyone was staring at _me._ Shopkeepers, mothers, fathers, even some children… It made sense, I suppose. I was the Last Uchiha, my whole clan was gone, and I was being escorted through the village by the _Hokage._ Of course they'd stare.

The logic behind it didn't change the emotion I had, though. Resisting the urge to tear up, I shifted, automatically pressing myself into the warm bulk of the Hokage. He let out a sad sigh, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. Just… just like how my Dad did when I stood next to him in church, when we were singing. He'd always wrap his arm around my shoulder.

I said it was one of my favorite things he did at his birthday a few months ago.

This time, I caved and tears welled up in my eyes. The Hokage made a concerned noise, looking down at me. "Sasuke-chan?"

"I-" I swallowed, harshly through the burn in my throat, and tried again. "C-Can we go any faster?"

He softened. "Of course. Do you mind if I carry you and we take the roofs?" Even though that sounded vaguely terrifying, I had been a kind of ridiculously brave person in my last life – _shinobi leaping over rooftops was normal why would that be terrifying_ – so I nodded my head, not trusting myself to speak much more. The next moment, I was scooped up in Hokage-sama's arms, nestled in the crook of one. I felt so… small. So very, very small.

Before he pushed off, however, a voice sounded. "Jii-jii! I see you, dattebayo! Don't go!" I closed my eyes in despair. I had never had real interactions with Naruto until this point – _it wasn't until after the massacre that Naruto began to see himself in Sasuke, after all, and they became almost friends_ – as he was the very last in the class.

It was just my luck.

The Hokage waited for Naruto, a shift in his robes indicating that he was making some sort of sign/physical gesture. "Naruto, I can't talk right now, alright? I'm bringing Sasuke-chan home."

That was my cue. I opened my eyes, looked down at Naruto – at the golden boy Naruto, future hero of Hokage, jinchuriki, a little boy in a ragged white shirt… It couldn't be helped. I teared up again, turning to bury my face in Sarutobi's sleeves.

"Hey, hey, is he sick!?" Naruto's voice was _grating._ It was so loud, so grating, that I was abruptly reminded of my middle sister and had to swallow down a sob. I never thought I'd miss her loud, rather annoying voice. "He's never like that!"

I could understand his disbelief, but that didn't help the fact that I wanted _out of here right now._ "My entire family is _gone!"_ I snarled, my voice clogged with tears even as I refused to look up. Belatedly, I remembered to add a 'Sasuke' detail. "My- M-My _brother_ killed them!"

There was dead silence, and I was acutely aware of the fact that it was dead silent. I had been… loud, too loud, and I could feel the tension of the market around me. The Last Uchiha had just yelled out about the fate of his family in the midst of everyone.

…To the hated jinchuriki. Oh. _Oh._

I dragged my face out of the sleeve, glaring at the boy with teary eyes. "If you- If you sh-shut up, you can come with." The surprise on his face – the half-wondering surprise – nearly _killed_ me, and I buried my face in the big white robe once more. "S-Sorry, Hokage-sama."

His half-chuckle was swiftly drowned out by Naruto's enthusiastic and loud "Yeah! I can be quiet!" In unison, Sarutobi and I sighed – I could almost feel the sweatdrop forming on us both, like you saw in anime.

Oh man, I hoped no one was watching us. That would be so _awkward._

"Naruto, that actually means you have to be quiet…" Thank goodness for Hokage-sama. He bent down to scoop up the other child (we weren't touching, thank goodness, we weren't touching) and then we were off, racing through the rooftops. In another situation, I would've been excited. Delighted. I was being carried by someone who was _jumping from roof to roof._ Naruto was certainly in that mode – he whooped and hollered and _did not stay quiet,_ while I kept my face buried and just felt the wind tug at my clothes.

It was… kinda nice, to be honest. I was hot and this cooled me down. Even if I really, _really_ hated being carried. (The last time I had been carried, a guy in my dorm had hauled me over his shoulder during the middle of winter at a fire drill. I screeched and stiffened and demanded him to put me down. This… wasn't as bad.) _No, I didn't, Itachi carried me on his back all the time and I didn't care…_

Still, it wasn't to last, I couldn't just be carried and ignore my problems forever. I wasn't a child. I was _eight_ twenty.

"Stop outside the compound," I lifted my voice enough to say, promptly shutting up Naruto. "N-No one… no one can come in. Drop me off outside." Crap, I was quickly absorbing the arrogance of the Uchihas. Oh, dear. "Please, Hokage-sama." Much better.

"Alright, Sasuke-chan." He didn't try to engage me in conversation after that, and I was profoundly grateful. Even more grateful when Naruto's voice started up again, pestering the Hokage but generally ignoring me. Thank you, Naruto. He was distracting and not bothering me, all at once, and I loved him for it.

I wasn't sure what to do with Naruto. He was… He changed so much throughout the series, so how would me being different change him? I don't want to make him unable to face what's to come, but I just _can't_ act like the canon Sasuke. I would literally die – if not from screwing myself over in the fights I get in, then from visceral embarrassment that I was actually acting like this.

Horrendous, to be honest.

Maybe I should think about this later, not when I was being carried by the Hokage and couldn't write down my thoughts. Yeah. That might be best, I think.

I didn't have too much longer to wait, though, because suddenly we were going _down,_ leaping down to the ground. It was a strange sensation, that movement, and I opened my eyes. "Sasuke-chan, we're here." I didn't need the statement, but I nodded in thanks anyway, allowing him to set me and Naruto down and balancing lightly on my feet.

I had kind of worried that I would be so out-of-it I couldn't even walk.

Relieved, I turned slightly towards the pair – Sarutobi was watching me, brow wrinkled in concern, while Naruto was simply awed at the site of the empty compound. I hadn't managed to work up the courage to look, yet. Instead, I bowed slightly. "Thank you for- for carrying me, Hokage-sama." My voice choked in my throat a little – but no, no, I wouldn't cry again. Not here. "Thank you for c-coming, Uzumaki-san."

Naruto looked just plain _dumbfounded_ to be referred to like that, and I couldn't really blame him. After a moment of staring, though, he grin so wide his eyes closed, reaching up to rub at the back of his next. "No problem, dattebayo! I'll do it again!"

Before I could stop it, the corner of my mouth upturned slightly at the thought that we would be doing this again. Uh, no, but thanks for the offer, Naruto. "Are you sure you don't want anyone to accompany you, Sasuke-chan?" The Hokage's words startled me for a moment – my mind was d _efinitely_ elsewhere, oops – and I blinked at him, confused, before replying.

Well, shaking my head and _then_ replying. "No. I… I want to do this m-myself." Plus, I was worried that I wouldn't react right to something _why would I react wrongly it's my home my clan my family._ Plus plus, I was so done with people and interacting with fictional characters, for now. I just wanted to be _alone._

Alone. Definitely alone.

I turned and surveyed the compound. It was big. Dark. _Empty._ There were none of the signs of life that usually filled it, from children laughing to the elderly aunt and uncle that always gave everyone candy to even just yelling down to the street for 'Shisui Uchiha, you get back here right now!' It was quiet. Empty. _Dead._ The writer in me wanted to have some morbid giggles for the word usage.

I stepped forward, through the entrance – stumbling slightly, wavering slightly, but continuing. A "Bye, Uchiha!" came from behind me, and I lifted a hand in acknowledgement, but kept going. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other.

 _Put one foot in front of the other… And soon you'll be walking 'cross the floooooor. Put one foot in front of the other… and soon you'll be walking out the door!_

Ignoring the Christmas song that was now promptly stuck in my head, however appropriate it was for the situation, I refused to look around. Not at the way the shadows grew among the empty buildings, or the emptiness of the entire place… Instead, I focused on my feet, trusting my instincts to guide me true. It worked, even though I clipped my shoulder on the doorframe when I stepped into the house.

"I'm home," I murmured, like I always saw in anime, taking off my shoes and setting them by the door. There were no other shoes besides my small, ninja sandals. I stared for a moment at the sheer loneliness, and resolved to get more. Shoes were one of the things I enjoyed shopping for, anyway.

Continuing into the house, I let my gaze wander. There were… rips in that paper wall. Had they been there before? Were they there from that night? I didn't know – Sasuke hadn't witnessed it and there were so many contradictory versions of the massacre that they all ran together in my head.

Don't think about it _don't think about it._

Perpetually hungry, I decided to make my way to the kitchen before I did anything else. There would be… something, hopefully – I had no idea how long Sasuke _I_ had been asleep. Er, unconscious. Maybe all the food was bad. Could be, though I hoped not. I needed to clear out the cupboards if so.

To my surprise, though, the fridge was bare. Huh. When they came to… clean up from that night, they must've also cleaned out a bunch of food. Nothing rotting in any of the houses, yeah? Good. That would really smell after a while. Moving onto the cupboards, I flung them open and recognized _nothing._ Sasuke wasn't a cook, so that… part of my mind didn't recognize a lot of the ingredients. To the 100% white, non-Japanese portion of me? I knew nothing. I recognized… rice. That was it, really.

I wouldn't eat tonight, I supposed.

Shutting the cupboards with a clatter – wincing slightly as I did so, that was so _loud_ in the echo-y house – I stumbled towards the bedrooms instead. I should brush my teeth… Wear my- oh, no, I didn't have to wear my retainer here, no braces. Huh. I wouldn't have to worry about putting on acne stuff before bed, either…

That was some silver lining, I supposed, latching onto the good so that I could ignore the bad. I wouldn't have to worry about things like periods, thank goodness, and-

I stopped. The door in front of me led to Sasuke's bedroom – _my bedroom_ – I knew. All I would have to do is slide it open, go inside, and then I could sleep. But it… it felt _wrong._ I wasn't Sasuke – _I was_ – and to just go to my bed like Sasuke would've, did every day… I turned, and kept walking.

The next room, I knew, was Mikoto and Fugaku's – _Okaa-san and Otou-san_ – and a shudder rippled through me at the thought of even opening the door. I remembered – remembered watching the way they just submitted to Itachi, allowed him t-to kill them, and at the time… At the time, it had been nothing more than a clip on youtube, a curious insight into one of my more favorite characters in the series.

When I walked by that room, I made sure to stay on the other side of the hall.

The last room was Itachi's – and this one I opened, carefully sliding the door. It was sparse; which made sense, given the usual occupant. A neatly made bed, closed closet, a few shuriken sitting on top of the dresser… But it was so _impersonal._ In my room, there were posters on the wall. A puzzle hanging up that my great-grandpa had put together. A few trite sayings that hit with me, or scarves from my trip to Italy. Here? Here, there was _nothing._ Even the few books that were on the small bookshelf were blah. Nothing like my colorful variations, with ribbons tied on every empty spot of the shelf.

How long did Itachi know he would have to give it up? Give this up? Give _me_ up? "Nii-san…" It was a word I breathed, unconsciously and automatically, and I took a few steps into the room – only to step on something and hear a crunch underfoot.

I looked down, and for a moment, I couldn't see it – the wood of it blended into the wood on the floor, both very dark shades. But, slowly, the shape of a rectangle formed underneath my foot. A… picture frame? I bent down to pick it up, moving my foot, and flipped it over.

Oh… Oh.

It was a picture of Itachi and Sasuke. _A picture of me and Nii-san._ They – _we_ – looked happy. Posing in front of some… training logs, it looked like. From the fierce grin on Sasuke's face and the proud, faint smile on Itachi's, I could guess – _no, no, I remembered_ – that Sasuke had hit the bullseye every time. Mikoto – _Okaa-san_ – had been the one to take the picture, pleased as could be.

But why… why was this here? On the floor? I could almost half-picture it – Itachi picking up the picture, but leaving it behind. Or maybe Obito had touched it, examined it and nigh-cruelly mocked the love that Itachi had for his brother, for me. Obito had helped with the massacre, hadn't he?

A teardrop fell on the picture with its broken glass, and then another. Drip, drop, I shuffled forward. When I reached the bed, I tore my eyes from the picture, set it to the side of the bed – on the floor, reluctant as I was – and crawled into Itachi's bed.

It was cold. Who knew how long I had been asleep, but it was _cold._ I hadn't felt cold earlier today – I had been so hot, so close to overheating. It was Fire Country, after all – it would make so much sense for it to be really warm.

In this house, though, in Itachi's bed, tears staining my cheeks and eyes slowly closing… I shivered.

* * *

 **A/N:** _Thanks for the support, guys! This perspective isn't something I'm used to, so I'm not wholly confident in the style yet - so it really helps! Don't worry - for anyone that's concerned, these chapters will go a little bit faster after a bit. I'm tentatively hoping that the next one might cover more than a day, but we'll see how long it ends up being. Some prominent gender dysphoria may be showing up next chapter, but it might take a bit. (I'm just making this up as I go along.) Hope you like!_


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